Sense of Then

Summer 2025

Prior to the return of my inner child, I had heard about inner child work, but when I searched inside myself for an inner child, it reminded me of a time when I didn’t know where my core was, and a physical therapist had just told me to engage my core. That was a strange experience, probably more for the physical therapist to explain to me where my core was and how to tighten it. Eventually, I found my core, more through yoga than PT, but I don’t know how I would explain to someone where to find theirs. Similarly, I don’t know how to explain to anyone how to feel your inner child. I can tell you what it was like once mine showed up.

When she first woke up, it was much like having a constant, curious questioner at every turn: Do we really live in LA? Do we have to go back to Iowa? Have we been back to Iowa? When did we move here? What’s that? Look at that! Did you see that? Why are we listening to this? Where is the music? Where are the colors? Where is the clay? Why are your clothes so boring?

It was quite overwhelming. When she wasn’t asking 10,000 questions, she was grieving or remembering. She arrived with too many memories to address at one time. July and August 2025 included a lot of crying—deep sobs of grief as I began connecting memories from earlier years with the understanding I have as an established adult. I’ll get to some of those memories in time.